angel, moe, lolita

Sharing everything...

I discovered a while back that if I stayed positive, I could make things better, even when they really weren't.
So even under the most horrible of incidents I tried to remain optimistic and hopeful.

Now I'm brimming with naive optimism, and it helps keep me from falling apart in the face of difficulty.

But the what good is all this hope and optimism if I can't share it?

I wish I could scoop up this hope and give it to you, and help you feel better even though things are incredibly hard right now. I want you to feel like things will be alright, I know you're in pain. I can feel it in your voice, even though you aren't in front of me I can see the grimace and the downward cast of your eyes, and the little frown you make when you are upset.

How can I make you feel better? Certainly not by telling you I can't have fun without you, or that I wont have fun because it will make you sad. Because then you will just feel guilty, and then you will feel worse.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't...

It just frustrates me that you can't except my pleas to try and be optimistic, because all I can do is say encouraging things.

Why are you taking away the very little I can do?
I feel useless...

angel, moe, lolita

Oxygen

I did it, I held my breath for three days!

... what? You don't believe me?

*she chuckles confidently*

  Oh~  Yee of little faith!
I know it's hard to believe that a person can hold their breathe for three days, but I also know I did it!

......................

You still don't believe me? Fine, I'll prove it.

How do I know a person can hold their breath for three days without side effects? Ahh, you see, that's how I know I did it, their were side effects!

          For three days I had a tightness in my chest, it felt like I would explode and implode all at once.
                     I was disoriented and often got lost in my own house, wandering from room to room confused about what I was there for.
                      
                Everything was a mess, even when it was going perfect, I was always on edge and unhappy.

                            I also had this urge to keep moving, and for good reason... if I stopped for too long to sit or think, I felt the urge to cry.
                                       
                                     Lightheaded... confusion... depression, and irrational thoughts and behaviors.

        
These are all signs that I was not getting enough air. The obvious conclusion?

I was holding my breath. For three long days, that seemed to last forever, I held my breath... smiling all the while.

So I proved to you that I held my breath for three days.

But today I finally took a moment of joy, and let out that held breath....
I was so lost with out air, I was a mess in every way. You become unsure if you'll ever get to breathe it in again.

...Oh god, it feels so good to breathe!


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    relieved relieved
angel, moe, lolita

So... very... tired! =___=;

So me and my whole family, plus my sisters boyfriend, set up a bunch of mattresses and pillows out on the pool deck to watch the meteor shower. I never saw a single flippin' meteor... and I wound up falling asleep early, which is around midnight for me. But I kept waking back up again! XD I fell asleep and stayed asleep around 2 or 3 am.


So I finally fall asleep, and I woke up refreshed and spunky around 6 am the following morning, but about 4 hours later, I crashed like a jet fueled by bubble gum.
-__- Needles to say, it isn't pretty. But if i cave and take a nap I'll just wind up on my old warped sleep schedule!

This sucks, big time!
  • Current Mood
    crappy crappy
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angel, moe, lolita

New Job, First Job, Awsome Job!

It's my first job at a local ice cream shop, which is called More Than Ice Cream, mainly, because it really is more than ice cream! It's also a restaurant and an antique shop. I work  from 1pm to 9pm usually, Sat, Sun, and sometimes Wed. But I'm filled in for extra hours to work 4pm-9pm Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat... and maybe 1pm-9pm Sun.

Yeah, that's a lot, especially for a noob like me, who isn't used to a harsh work schedule... I worked three days in a row and had to recuperate the whole day after wards. But my endurance is up, and even if I bleed, or I have a broken bone, I will continue to work! I need that cash, so fight on!   ^___^ V  YEAH!
 

 

 
angel, moe, lolita

First post ever...

This is my first post in my journal... which almost feels like a shame, but not really. ( o__o ? whut? ) I'm not too good with keeping up with the interwebs because I am part of that 20% that isn't absolutely addicted to being connected to the internet.
I'll live without logging onto the internet for a week  *gasp* O_o ...<___<; shuddup...

If there is something people want to know bad enough, they'll ask me. Or it's on my bio thingy ( yes, I said "bio thingy").

A closing note...I have a girl friend, so no,  I'm not available.  =____=; <-------natural target for weirdos.

 
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    Breaking Benjamin- diary of jane
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